There’s this little unit of maths that I used to have to teach when I was teaching in the higher year groups, long before they decided that kids needed to learn more about algebra and how far a greased log would have to travel down a river before a swan would fall off the end (I AM NOT FUCKING KIDDING YOU – this is the infamous question I remember from my own A-Level maths paper and I still don’t even fucking know where to start with it). We used to teach them about probability, about the likelihood of certain events happening and expressing them as fractions or percentages.
And do you know what I adore using to give kids an idea of how probability works? DICE.
I fucking love using dice. Some teachers hate it because the sound of dice clattering against table tops is ear-bleedingly dreadful to some. I only hate it when the kids use them after I’ve said stop. It’s those moments when I realise that I wish I had a dice bazooka.
That would be awesome.
Dice are brilliant because they’re always as random as you need them to be. You roll a dice properly and you stand a one in six chance of getting the number you want. And it happens every single time you roll that standard die. It’s brilliant! Getting the children to understand that?
Not so brilliant.
I don’t wish to point fingers class, but… well… it’s all your fault. Not mine. I’m teaching you well. You just need to like dice as much as I do. NYAH.
Now I’m not a particular fan of dice that have been inhabited by the souls of demons or possibly possessed by Satan… which is often why playing Devil Dice makes me think twice about playing it. I mean… if these dice are possessed by some devil then I’m out. I mean, those demons can just fuck right off, ruining the probability of my dice and then forcing me to kill everything! They’re out to get me, man! THEY’RE OUT TO GET US ALL! STAY AWAY FROM THE DICE! STAY AWAY! THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELS YOU!
Good thing I’m merely overthinking the whole thing then because Devil Dice is wickedly good HO HO HO HO HO!
Puns!
Devil Dice is a fast-action, frantic puzzle game that has you rolling dice around a game board, hoping to connect sets of like-numbered dots. Connect two 2s, three 3s, four 4s, etc will cause the dice to slowly disappear into the floor, freeing up more space on the game board and allowing you to earn points. Should you choose to (or accidentally do), you can also add extra like-number dice to the disappearing dice for extra combos and chains that increase your total score. As for those pesky ones, they only disappear if you roll one over the top of a disappearing set of dice, which gets rid of ALL of the ones on the board, freeing up even more space. It doesn’t give you masses of points but it’s that precious space that you need.
And then you can continue to do this, ad nauseum until you reach either level 100 or run out of time. Over time, the screen builds up extra dice quicker so you’re constantly moving across the screen trying to get rid of dice, ANY DICE, just so you have enough room.
Also, if you stay on a descending die and cannot get off, you might end up on the floor. This isn’t DEATH, thankfully, but you really want to be getting back up onto the dice as quickly as possible. Although you can PUSH dice about the board, this is rarely the best technique to use. It’s useful to do on occasion but being on top is where it’s at. Dude. Bro. Whatevs.
[insert cool youth hand gesture here]
INNIT.
Ugh.
There is this imitable charm that the game has for trying to put together a really foreboding, robotic, industrial atmosphere and mixing it with cutesy little fairy-like characters hopping about as your avatar in the game. Although they’re meant to be devils… sorta… they’re more cherub-like than anything. They’re nothing special but they do at least have a cutesy charm to them that gives the game a little bit more personality. AS IF IT NEEDED ANYMORE.
Devil Dice, therefore, has this enormous potential to keep you going for a long time, trying to figure out the best way forward. You can be quite tactical about it but you might spend too long thinking and a new die will appear in the place you DON’T want it. Sometimes, it’s easier to keep moving and hope that something will happen. There are a few techniques that you can use to help you, but in the later stages of the game, you might find you don’t always have the room to roll the dice the way you want them to.
WHICH IS WHAT MAKES IT FRUSTRATINGLY BRILLIANT.
Devil Dice works mainly because EVERYTHING is consistent and fair. The dice are STANDARD dice and what you expect to see on one side of a die is the exact same as another. It’s kept as simple as it needs to be. You can spend more time in the earlier levels being more tactical and methodical, but eventually, you’ll realise that you won’t have that much time in the later levels. Good thing you’ve been eased in with enough time to practise, thus making the learning curve just about right for new players. It’s tricky and occasionally frustrating, but not because of the game itself, but more because you don’t get given the dice you need and you have to roll it in a certain way.
“I JUST WANT A TWO BUT IT’S ON THE WRONG SIDE OF THIS DIE TO GET INTO THE RIGHT POSITION!”
“OH IF ONLY THAT DIE WASN’T IN THE WAY!”
“WHY ISN’T THERE A THREE ANYWHERE?!”
Guaranteed sentences you will be asking. GWAH-RAN-TEED.
As well as single-player action, there are also 2 player battles where you both sit on the same screen trying to fumble dice into sets around the playing field. The idea is to be the first one to get FOUR sets of dice connected… but there’s a twist. As you set up a connection, your opponent can swoop in as it’s disappearing and STEAL it from you. A little icon appears, floating towards your side of the screen but if your opponent nabs it off to, it floats towards them! What’s even more fair about this is that getting a set of twos causes the icon to float slowly towards whichever side. Collecting a set of sixes causes it to float much faster. The more connections you make, the quicker it’ll get to you. Of course, should you obtain the twos or the fours or whatever, your opponent can STILL steal them off you afterwards, making it incredibly competitive and downright dirty.
Just when you think you’re about to win, your opponent can nab one of your sets just as quickly.
AND THEN YOU PUNCH THEM IN THE FACE.
Sorry, not sorry.
As well as the trial mode and battle mode, Devil Dice also offers a puzzle option, asking you to fulfil certain criteria using only a certain number of steps. This actually serves two purposes. One: it’s an excellent little puzzle mode that’s equal parts frustration and logical thought, a nice little added mode that the game… didn’t really need to include but why not? And two: it serves as a decent way of getting you to think outside of the box. It’s kinda disguised as a mini tutorial, without being a tutorial. It isn’t ACTUALLY a tutorial but it’s secretly helping you out by making you think logically about things. It gives you a certain number of steps in an effort to be efficient about how you move around the playing field. It’s NOT a beginner’s guide. In fact, it’s downright perplexing and horrifying at times. But once you get the hang of how to play things and need some extra challenges, the best way to go about that would be to try this mode out. You might go through the opening few levels thinking: “PFFFFT, this is a fucking cinch!” before you get stuck on level 6 and then cry into your crisps.
YOUR SOGGY, SOGGY, SALT AND VINEGAR AND MORE SALT FLAVOURED CRISPS.
BOO HOO.
GET THE FUCK ON WITH IT, BUB.
The last mode the game has to offer is a five-player melee called WARS. And it’s FUCKING incredible. There really isn’t a puzzle game that can cater to FIVE PLAYERS at once while still being fucking amazing to play. So the set-up is the same. You’re attempting to connect sets of dice together and every time they disappear, you deal damage to your opponents. Should they do the same to you, the game IS ON, BITCH. YOU AND ME. SQUARING OFF, BITCH. YOU DON’T CUT PAST ME AND FUCK ME UP LIKE THAT. I’LL CUT YOU. I’LL CUT YOUR EAR! AND MAYBE A NOSTRIL! SEE HOW YOU LIKE THAT SHIT!
*ahem*
THIS is what makes games like this a whole heap of fun. Being able to keep it “friendly” *ahem* and competitive with four other friends in a frenetic game of Devil Dice… it’s glorious. Being able to steal hits of your opponents when they think they’re going to win it all with their final hit is the BEST feeling. Imagine it. You’re stuck with next to 0HP. The leader has maybe 30HP and the rest of your opponents are struggling too. Your nemesis links together a set of sixes and that’s pretty going to ruin it for you all…
Instead… you swoop in and connect another six and STEAL their damage from them. And then maybe you connect another six for the hell of it. And maybe another because you’re either in the zone or feeling particularly sadistic.
And then everyone else, including your nemesis SCREAMS as they vacate the playing field, flying up to the heavens, realising they were FOOLS to ever mess with you.
YOU HEAR ME? YOU COME BACK DOWN HERE AND I’LL CUT YOUR TOES! THAT’S WHAT YOU GET! THAT’S WHAT YOU GET FOR THINKING YOU COULD MESS WITH ME!
Sorry, did I mention I’m competitive? No?
Hmmm. OK.
*THAT’S WHAT YOU GET*
What this amounts to is a game that really is more fun than it has any right to be. It’s not for the faint of heart. It gets superbly frenetic at times and remains challenging from start to finish. Any real frustrations come from not being able to move a die in the direction you want because SOMEONE ELSE IS ON THE SAME ONE AS YOU, FUCK OFF AND GIVE ME BACK MY DIE, I WAS ON IT FIRST! GET OFF IT! NO, YOU!
Devil Dice is basically a stunningly put together little gem. It might not be to everyone’s taste, and the fact the game does heavily rely on more of the competitive nature of people doesn’t really help itself, but it is easily one of the more impressive and overlooked games on the Playstation. Maybe that mixture of cutesy and industrial robot feel didn’t quite do it?
Or the fact that no one gave a shit about it on launch. Yeah. Probably that. Shady fuckers. But the key to this is that whether it be in single player or multiplayer, you’re going to have an absolute blast.
Coincidentally, the sequel, called Bombastic was literally a blast. The dice exploded.
And no I’m not thinking about exploding dice in school.
That’s alllllllll you, buddy.
Blimey, boyo 